How do you know if you're in love, lust, or marriage?

LOVE - - when your eyes meet across a crowded room.
LUST - - when your tongues meet across a crowded room.
MARRIAGE - - when your belt won't meet around your waist, and you don't care.

LOVE - - when intercourse is called making love.
LUST - - all other times.
MARRIAGE - - what's intercourse?

LOVE - - when you argue over how many children to have.
LUST - - when you argue over who gets the wet spot.
MARRIAGE - - when you argue over money.

LOVE - - when you share everything you own.
LUST - - when you think twice about giving your partner bus money.
MARRIAGE - - when the bank owns everything.

LOVE - - when it doesn't matter if you don't climax.
LUST - - when the relationship is over, if you don't climax.
MARRIAGE - - what's a climax?

LOVE - - when you phone each other just to say "Gidday".
LUST - - when you phone each other just to arrange sex.
MARRIAGE - - when you phone each other to find out what time your son's game starts.

LOVE - - when you write poems about your partner.
LUST - - when all you write is your phone number.
MARRIAGE - - when all you write are checks.

LOVE - - when you show concern for your partners' feelings.
LUST - - when you couldn't give a shit.
MARRIAGE - - when your only concern is what's on TV.

LOVE - - when your farewell is "I love you darling ..."
LUST - - when your farewell is "So, same time next week?"
MARRIAGE - - when your farewell is silent.

LOVE - - when you are proud to be seen in public with your partner.
LUST - - when you only ever see each other in the bedroom.
MARRIAGE - - when you never see each other awake.

LOVE - - when your heart flutters everytime you see them.
LUST - - when your groin twitches everytime you see them.
MARRIAGE - - when your wallet empties everytime you see them.

LOVE - - when nobody else matters.
LUST - - when nobody else knows.
MARRIAGE - - when everybody else matters and you don't care who knows.

LOVE - - when all the songs on the radio describe exactly how you feel.
LUST - - when it's just the same mushy old shit.
MARRIAGE - - when you never listen to music.

LOVE - - when breaking up is something you try not to think about.
LUST - - when staying together is something you try not to think about.
MARRIAGE - - when just getting through today is your only thought.

LOVE - - when you're interested in everything your partner does.
LUST - - when you're only interested in one thing.
MARRIAGE - - when you're not interested in what your partner does and the one thing you're interested in is your golf score.

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